What does it mean to hold space?

I remember way way back in my early days of discovering that I had a spiritual path, I would hear people talking about ‘holding space’ for someone. I laugh at myself when I think of the ways I interpreted this concept. I took it in such a literal meaning like ‘he is holding space for her in his life until she gets her shit together’ it never dawned on me that there would be a selfless quality to ‘holding space’.

SO, what does it really mean?

In my reality now it tends to mean that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

I don’t know about you but often times I find this incredibly hard to do with some people or I start out with such pure and innocent intentions that get muddled down by my ego or what emotional, stressful thing happened in that day and so I give myself the excuse that I’m not able to continue. Guess what? That’s ok, it’s called being human and sometimes you can’t show up as you want to. I think it’s important to be kinder to ourselves as we go through life. We seem to all want the world to view us as these shiny beacons of light that everyone can rely on. Remember that ‘holding space’ for someone is basically giving them permission to be authentic with you, so that they can do what they need to do to get back into balance. We have to keep reminding ourselves that ‘holding space’ is not about fixing the problem or providing solutions, it’s about witnessing and caring. I also believe it takes practice so, with anything in life…give it time.

I find with myself  that I need to be as ‘fucked up’ as the person I am witnessing going through a phase. Mostly so they can relate to me and not feel threatened because I have some old patterns and past traumas that condition me to making sure everyone feels safe. So I also catch myself wanting to share some type of trauma too, even though I good. Watch yourself on this one because it can tend to cause you to create problems that were never there and all in the name of helping out this person in need who needs you in more ways then just what your ego wants. You being strong and balanced is a beautiful thing, never dim that. Give people permission to fail and feel shitty, it’s ok. In the end you are giving them such an amazing gift to just have you witness them through it all.

What about needing someone to ‘hold your space’? I find a lot of people have a hard time asking for this or being ok with being broken in today’s world. In the land of social media making everyones lives so awesome on the outside it is harder to accept that we need to struggle and not be in that awesome mode all the time. I also catch myself apologizing for being in a shitty mood or having to talk things through with someone…like it’s the end of the world that you need to process. Life is about relationships and I think a big part of relationships is ‘holding space’. We need to be brave enough to go to the end of their predicament with grace and love and in turn we need to let people go to this end when we are in need.

So, in the end I think when you are struggling to maintain the space…sit and relax into the feeling(s). See where your mind and/or heart goes. You would be surprised how much you can figure out when you give your own self time to process and I guess in a sense you are giving space to yourself. This journey is life is about self discovery and it requires you to be a humbled by the situations that come about. I can be a very beautiful process if we let it.

I give space to you all, message me if you need to vent.

Love & light,

Mel

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